Diabetes sucks. I was surprisingly diagnosed with Type 1 when I was 28. Out of the blue. I hadn’t been sick in over 2 years, but I was fired from a very stressful job 6 months prior. I’m sure it was that job. The frustrating thing about diabetes is there are no days off. It is a 24/7 lifetime job. No vacations. I honestly hate vacations as I have to pack so much paraphernalia to take along, since I can’t pick any of my insulin pump supplies up at the local pharmacy.
I should feel blessed, I’ve survived 3 diabetic pregnancies, and have 3 beautiful and active children. I can’t begin to say how much work those 3 pregnancies were for me. Constant finger sticks, staying on top of my blood sugars. Cravings? Hell no. I couldn’t just eat what I wanted when I wanted. I had to plan it all out and take the proper amount of insulin. Any mistakes I made could affect the fetus. How much pressure is that for a woman? It wasn’t as if I was a former drug addict resisting a backslide. My 3rd baby was 10 lbs. Of course that meant I didn’t manage my blood sugars closely. Fortunately he was a healthy baby, and is a big boy, so maybe it was just him, Mr. Fluffy.
Doctors are rarely encouraging of diabetics. If your A1C, the blood test to help measure your blood sugars for the prior 90 days, is high, its your fault. You are doing something wrong. Can’t lose weight? You’re doing something wrong. Complications? You screwed up. Do I ever hear anything positive? Rarely. Why can’t you do this? Whats the problem with YOU? I’d love to have all non diabetic endocrinologists live in my shoes for a year. So, how did you do? That was easy, right? Did you like to feel the frustration, the stress, the fingers pointing at you. I’m not sure there is any other chronic disease which has this same problem. Diabetics are their own doctors too. I change my insulin levels on my own. If I waited for the doc, nothing would be changed. Maybe its me. Maybe I’m harshly judging myself. I know I don’t rely on others to do this work for me. I don’t want the responsibility in someone elses hands. My kids get it, to a point. When I tell them I have to check my blood sugar, there is no argument. They wait, sometimes patiently. Its part of their lives. They never knew me before diabetes.
Sometimes I wish I could change it. I wish I could give this to someone else. Then I wonder. Is the fact I have this disease protecting my children from developing it some time in the future? Possibly. So far my children have tested negative for the antibodies. I pray it continues. I’ve heard people say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Sometimes I wonder about this line of thinking. There are days I’m overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I can’t exercise without checking my blood sugar before I start, sometimes in the middle and always at the end. I have to balance my exercise with my insulin. Its a tightrope walk. A slight mistake either way sends me low or too high. Neither is good.
My insulin pump is vibrating, telling me its time to reload. Its a sign from Minimed.
1 Comment
April 4, 2008 at 11:09 pm
After I had yet another ‘incident’ of obscenely ignorant medical advice about diabetes, I googled “diabetic endocrinologists” in the hope of being able to find a doctor somewhere who might have a bit of a clue as to what it is to live as a diabetic. And, after muddling through the drivel of type 2, I came across your post. I enjoyed it enormously. If there are some type 1 diabetics who happen to be practicing medicine, I, unfortunately, haven’t been able to find them. Please permit me to rave a bit.
Had I not been a diabetic for 35 years - since the age of 3 - I might follow what seems to be a societal norm of having respect for doctors. Instead, despite a few great ones, my overall impression of doctors is very low. I immediately lose respect for someone who introduces him/herself as an MD. In all honesty, no exaggeration, at the age of five I had more knowledge about diabetes in both quantity and quality than the average MD has today (Maybe I was 10 when endocrinologists started to know less).
However, it’s not the fact that someone who has lived and consequently studied the disease his entire life might know more than a so-called specialist. It’s just that for some reason, most doctors seem unable to admit that a patient could know more than them. They will be obstinate on points that are undebatable wrong, and, at best, concede your point with a watering down of its importance. There are, as I have noted, some exceptions, but the last one I dealt with unfortunately moved away from my city.
Anyhow,
All the best to you.
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