My 4 year old son Sam thinks its very funny to wander away from me in a store. He finds it amusing to not answer my terrified pleas. He laughs when I scold him for doing this. So he did it 3 times today. Once at Target while I was checking out. He was standing right next to me, I started to pay the cashier, looked down and he was gone. I tried not to panic, calling his name, but I received no answer. After about 90 agonizing seconds, someone pointed him out to me. He ran over to me smiling and asked “What Mom?” I just grabbed his coat and got in his face. I’m sure everyone was looking at me wondering if I was going to beat his butt. I’m not a violent person, so he’s lucky.
We had a short discussion in the car, which isn’t easy as he sees the back of my head and I’m attempting to be a safe driver. I had a doctor’s appointment, which went well. Then we headed off to Kohl’s to get a new coat for him, as Sam’s coat is falling apart. He did it again to me, this time going to Customer Service for a drink An employee heard me calling for him, and set off a “Code Yellow”, closing the front doors and mobilizing the employees to look for him. After about 3 minutes, I hear someone from Customer Service yell they have him. I was relieved but even more angry he did this to me twice in less than 2 hours. The store manager even had a little word with him, firm yet kind. I think he was a bit embarassed, but still wasn’t getting it. We had a very long talk in the car while heading to the girls’ school. I wanted him to understand what he was doing was wrong, how I felt about him missing and I wondered if he got it. He doesn’t.
He did it one more time at school. I was in the gym and it was near dismissal, so I told him I had to have his sisters meet us in the gym and not take the bus home. Do you want to go with me? No, he said, he was going to stay there with 2 other moms. Alright. I go back, he’s gone. I’m fortunate the staff knows him, so I had several people helping me. He was outside on the playground in 7 inches of snow. He told me he was looking for me out there. Did you not remember what I told you in the gym? Nope.
I’m still angry with him after all these hours. The stress I had today with him being missing is more than I could handle. What I wanted to do was hurt him. I wanted him to feel what I was feeling. But what good would this do for the situation? It would be counter productive. I know children don’t get how wandering off stops a parent’s heart, makes them panic, makes them wonder what is going on, is my child safe, who took them, where are they? I was so relieved when I found him. But so angry at him for doing this to me. And doing it 3 times in one day, in less than 4 hours. I asked if he heard me calling for him. He did. Then why didn’t you answer me? “I don’t know.” His favorite answer for everything. Its infuriating.
So Sam will now be wearing the equivalent of shackles when we go out in public. I don’t care what people think or say, I refuse to subject myself to the stress of having him missing again, even though he was safe today, what about next time? I’ll put it around his waist, hook him to me and off we go. Maybe he’ll get it. Maybe he’ll understand when I tell him to stand here, I mean stand here. Don’t move. Stay with me. I’ll see how it goes, but he will not be allowed out in public without it. Humiliating? Maybe. Necessary? Oh yes. This is why he’s not going to kindergarten this fall even though he is old enough. He’s so utterly immature and I don’t know how to get this through his skull to give him the proper amount of fear without making him a basket case. He’s fearless, which is the problem.
I’m glad he’s safe.
